mannamontana

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Month: June, 2012

I just wanna be, I just wanna be successful

Today I had a wonderful conversation with my dad about success.  I think it is obvious that success is measured in different ways for everyone.  When thinking about what it means to me to be successful, I simply envision happiness.  If I’m doing something I love and surrounded by people I love then I know I am successful. One thing I’ve learned is when trying to see what something is, it is also important to first look at what it isn’t.  Success isn’t how others see you, or how you feel you are supposed to be.  Success also isn’t about settling.  I will never in my life settle for a mediocre relationship, job, or anything else.  Life is truly to short to waste time on average things.  Maybe saying all this makes me seem very put together but I can assure everyone that is hardly the case.  I often feel like I am extremely unsuccessful and I’ll never reach my ultimate goals.  In moments like this I always feel it is best to step back from the specific situation and focus on others.  For me, serving is the best solution.  Helping a family build a house, or volunteering at a soup kitchen only forces myself to step back from my problems.  Seeing what others are going through really puts my life into perspective.  Some of these people have absolutely nothing yet if you were to ask them they would still say they felt successful.  These people are truly living and loving life, and I admire them for it.  I would gladly have all my possessions taken away and be completely homeless if it means I am surrounded by ones I love and doing something I love everyday.  I often to pray to God that if someday I were to lose all of my fancy things I would remember this and hold it close to my heart. 

Repaying with a blessing

At church tonight I felt an extreme connecting point with something Pastor Pete Wilson said: “when someone hurts you repay them with a blessing.”  This simple statement really struck a chord with me as it directly relates to something I am going through right now.  Refer to my previous post about my last boyfriend/asshole/emotionally-baggaged douchebag to understand.  Now, there have been many times in my life when I felt someone has hurt me, but no hurt has ever come as such a surprise than with this person.  It was a hurt that didn’t go away for quite some time and will probably always be with me.  Out of everything in this “relationship” I regret how I reacted to this hurt the most.  Naturally, I wanted to make him feel the pain that I felt.  I used malicious words and even flirted with his very best friend.  Anything I could do to get back at him I did.  I remember one night he said “Christina, we are just the same” and I immediately realized I didn’t at all want to be like him.  Sure, he did some pretty awful things but by me getting back at him I was no different.  Fighting fire with fire can never lead to a good outcome, everyone just ends up burned.  So instead, I wish I would have repaid him with a blessing.  The words I would say have and will always be true no matter how neglectant (madeupword) I am to admit it.  So regardless or not of if he will ever hear them I will affirm them right now.  To my asshole- I want you to be happy and I truly hope you find whatever you are looking for.